St. Louis Satire: The Government Ethics Test (Pt. 2)

As we reported yesterday, St. Louis County government employees are now being required to take an “ethics quiz” as part of their new ethics training… a quiz where they will be given all of the answers in order to guarantee that everyone passes with 100% efficiency.

(Or, as the layman would call it, “not a quiz”.)

Considering the unethical nature of the quiz about ethics, we have provided you with a portion of the test itself… for your enjoyment.

St. Louis County: Ethics Quiz

Question 1:

Your first loyalty as a St. Louis County government employee lies with…?

A. The people.
B. The government.
C. Yourself.
D. The Democratic Party.

Please circle anything but A on your quiz.

Question 2:

When determining which company will be awarded a government contract, what should never be a factor?

A. Who is your friend or family?
B. Who is the lowest bidder?
C. Who contributed the most to your campaign?

Sorry! The correct answer is B. Move forward one space for answering incorrectly.

Question 3:

How can political contributions be conducted ethically?

A. Donate 1% of your base salary to Charlie Dooley's campaign.
B. Donate money according to your own personal beliefs.
C. Don’t worry, the union will handle it for you.

The answer, of course, is A: Charlie Dooley needs your money! (C will also be accepted.)

Question 4:

Oh no, Temporiti's son is about to lose a government contract! What do you do?

A. Find a loophole.
B. Introduce a no-bid system.
C. Kill his nearest competitor.

If you answered at all, you’ve earned credit for the question. Please move on to the next question. (That answer is C.)

Question 5:

This ethics training / quiz…

A. Reminds me of Corrigan’s 2010 campaign.
B. Is a rediculous waste of time.
C. Is ethical.

We already told you the answer is C. Good job!

Congratulations! If you answered these ethics questions correctly (and we know you did, because we gave you the answers) you scored 100%, an A+! You are now ethical. Please report to the Department of Public Health for your medical examination / lobotomy before returning to work.

Thank you.

- B.H.

Comments

[Ford St Louis]

If someone is unethical, wouldn't they just lie on the ethics test? Seems like a polygraph would be more effective (not that I am suggesting that by any means!)