What the Heck is Wrong with Walker Hamilton?

We don’t know what it looks like when Walker Hamilton is on his game, because he’s surely off of it. His latest video got fact checked by the Kansas City Star, and Carnahan’s campaign had to back away from some factually incorrect claims in a rather embarrassing fashion. That inspired us to become one of the few groups brave enough to venture into Robin Carnahan’s youtube channel, a desolate wasteland of mostly ignored videos, just to see what they’re up to.

The channel’s early entries are mostly filled with short clips of useless political platitudes... So really, no different from what her campaign was doing for months.

The boringness is punctuated only by occasional moments of insanity, such as Mindy Mazur’s ‘60 second campaign update’ which inexplicably stretches on to one minute and thirty eight seconds. It might not have been so egregious if the video wasn’t so obsessively focused on the 60 seconds theme, throwing it in your face by attaching clock noises to the video, making the letters to ‘60 seconds’ inexplicably appear on what seems to be a row of microphones (weirdest special effect ever?) and so on. At 53 seconds (which is actually the 1:15 mark) they declare victory and then continue updating people about the campaign, which seems to defeat the entire purpose of brevity.

Then there’s this video, which should win some kind of award. It’s titled 28 Days Later.

28 Days Later is the name of a British zombie movie, which is inexplicably combined with visual effects from the movie The Matrix (the scrolling, green faded characters). The inevitable metaphorical implication is that the oil spill is all part of an enormous computer simulation created by brain eating zombies. The trifecta is completed by the inane addition of rainstick sound effects, random drum beats and whizzing noises, which we can only presume were recorded live in Carnahan’s campaign office.

Political insiders suggest that her next campaign video will be named “Waterworld Battlefield Earth” and will star Robin Carnahan as an Avatar fighting to protect the environment all to the tune of a synth-beat improv done by 90’s New Age composer Yanni.

If Walker Hamilton spent as much time making incomprehensible movies using the built in effects from old versions of iMovie as he does on Twitter, maybe all the movies wouldn’t look like middle school class projects.