Dear Readers,
It is with great regret that I must announce my resignation from the Missouri State Senate. My difficulties with Russ Carnahan (henceforth referred to as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named) and frivolous regulation of campaign finance has made it incumbent upon me to leave my post before the law drives me out of my home.
But do not believe He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! I am not gone forever. I take solace from the examples of the Thomas Jefferson, Rocky Balboa, George Washington and Will Ferrell in the Anchorman. Their trials have taught me that every problem is an opportunity, specifically, for an award winning documentary.
The real victims of this dispute will be the wind turbines that drive the Carnahans' industry of personal destruction. To the Wind Capital Group, what I have to say is summarized by the Scorpion's rock hit: "Here I am, Rock you Like a Hurricane."
Sincerely,
Jeff Smith
Former Senator
PS: If you have any interest in a comedy-documentary named "Those Pesky Carnahans Are At It Again!" please send a letter to my bunker in [REDACTED], a non-extradition country. People do not speak English here and the food is strange.
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